Not on this of all days!
�Yawn!!!�. Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, Burp!!����
�SQUISH!!!!!!�
I got up on the wrong side of my bed today, literally! I had managed to place my feet squarely into a big pile of what I think was last night�s pizza. I had no way of knowing, you see because I just stumbled off to the bathroom, still half asleep, to clean the mess that had attached itself to the bottom of my feet. Naturally, that same mess decided that it would leave a trail behind me�just so that I wouldn�t step into it on the way back. Maybe it did that to remind me that I had to clean it up! Of course, one fine mess deserves another and my kitchen looked like it had been the scene of a battle between two bulls in a china shop. Things were beginning to look grim. Faced with the unenviable task of cleaning up the debris before anything else, it left me with little time to prepare for what was going to be one of the biggest days of my life. I was being called for a job interview. I was out of luck and almost out of money, I had to nail it this time. Mother wasn�t particularly pleased about having to pay off all my grocery bills�loose some weight for a change is what she�d tell me if I said I needed more food!
Either way, the pizza I thought was the least of my problems that would have to wait. The kitchen however seemed apocalyptic in comparison. One that would require all the consummate skill of a demolition crew to blast free some of the gunk that was building up all over the place! You see, it was now that I realized that after approximately one week, no matter how much water you pour onto them, unwashed dishes acquired this greenish tinge to them. I believe they call it fungus. So there I was, washing infested dishes, cleaning a very �well used� kitchen counter and laying a new tablecloth. The old one had begun to take the color of the meals I ate on it.
An hour down and just two more to go till I knew what I would be doing the rest of my dull and boring life! I thought I�d spend some time relaxing in a nice hot tub. Alas, a picnic party of approximately twenty cockroaches had thought of exactly this day for a swim in the lake! Realizing that smashing the roaches in the tub would only result in an unnecessary clean up job, I let them continue what looked to be a game of water polo, roach style�that is using the toothpaste cap in place of a ball.
A quick shower and one agonizing long hour later I was ready. But my shoes weren�t. You see, apparently those roaches I met earlier had dragged their dinner for a feast inside my shoes. So now my socks had rather gross looking brown stains on the bottom. I had no time to loose so I just sucked it all up and walked out. Tap, squish, tap, squish went my feet. Reaching the office on time seemed like the perfect end to all the bad karma that was dogging since I�d woken up. The feeling wouldn�t last very long.
Apparently the Production Company had been trying to get in touch with me for the last 3 days. Mental note: �Always clear phone bill before comic book subscription!� I managed to spin out something about being out of town to visit a sick aunt. They bought it and my interview was rescheduled. Walking into the manager�s office, I gazed around at what looked like a room that belonged to someone with a powerful eye for detail. I was asked to sit. I felt uncomfortable almost at once. I was far away from my more �homely� and cozy armchair back home. Although it was riddled with holes and crawling with what I assumed (for some entertainment!!) to be little green men from mars.
The manager looked at me for sometime before he spoke. I was expecting a warm welcome�it was customary, I thought to make the interviewee feel comfortable. Instead he asked me curtly, �You do realize of course that your tie is in complete contrast with your jacket! I mean it�s teal and your jacket�s maroon!� So I decided to continue with my yarn about my sick aunt who had since proceeded to enjoy the pleasures of an afterlife. I had to wear my good suit for the funeral, I ventured to explain. I just couldn�t tell that to the kind lady at the reception.
After much talk about my school, it turned out that he had an neighbor�s cousin�s son who studied there; he �chanced� upon the all important, $ 64,000, Big Kahuna question. Quite literally! �How much was I expecting to earn?�, he asked. Without wanting to sound either greedy or desperate, or both (!), I answered quickly, �Oh, as long as the work is rewarding, I really don�t mind the pay!� He must�ve thought I was some kind of nut. Obviously no one had bothered to tell me that being a production crew assistant usually meant that I always had something on my hands�tea, coffee or biscuits, more often than not, someone else�s!
He thought I showed some spunk however, so he gave me the job. I�d be starting the next day! It wasn�t long before I could hear mother�s voice on the other end of the nearest payphone� While I was yelling: �Ma, I just need one more �care package� till my first paycheck arrives�; she was half screaming, half-sobbing out something about always knowing her son would make it to Hollywood
It worked out in the end. A decent end to a forgettable day. Maybe my first day of work would be better.
The End
7:00 am, the next morning:
�Yawn!!!�. Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, Burp!!����
�SQUISH!!!!!!�
�Yawn!!!�. Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, Burp!!����
�SQUISH!!!!!!�
I got up on the wrong side of my bed today, literally! I had managed to place my feet squarely into a big pile of what I think was last night�s pizza. I had no way of knowing, you see because I just stumbled off to the bathroom, still half asleep, to clean the mess that had attached itself to the bottom of my feet. Naturally, that same mess decided that it would leave a trail behind me�just so that I wouldn�t step into it on the way back. Maybe it did that to remind me that I had to clean it up! Of course, one fine mess deserves another and my kitchen looked like it had been the scene of a battle between two bulls in a china shop. Things were beginning to look grim. Faced with the unenviable task of cleaning up the debris before anything else, it left me with little time to prepare for what was going to be one of the biggest days of my life. I was being called for a job interview. I was out of luck and almost out of money, I had to nail it this time. Mother wasn�t particularly pleased about having to pay off all my grocery bills�loose some weight for a change is what she�d tell me if I said I needed more food!
Either way, the pizza I thought was the least of my problems that would have to wait. The kitchen however seemed apocalyptic in comparison. One that would require all the consummate skill of a demolition crew to blast free some of the gunk that was building up all over the place! You see, it was now that I realized that after approximately one week, no matter how much water you pour onto them, unwashed dishes acquired this greenish tinge to them. I believe they call it fungus. So there I was, washing infested dishes, cleaning a very �well used� kitchen counter and laying a new tablecloth. The old one had begun to take the color of the meals I ate on it.
An hour down and just two more to go till I knew what I would be doing the rest of my dull and boring life! I thought I�d spend some time relaxing in a nice hot tub. Alas, a picnic party of approximately twenty cockroaches had thought of exactly this day for a swim in the lake! Realizing that smashing the roaches in the tub would only result in an unnecessary clean up job, I let them continue what looked to be a game of water polo, roach style�that is using the toothpaste cap in place of a ball.
A quick shower and one agonizing long hour later I was ready. But my shoes weren�t. You see, apparently those roaches I met earlier had dragged their dinner for a feast inside my shoes. So now my socks had rather gross looking brown stains on the bottom. I had no time to loose so I just sucked it all up and walked out. Tap, squish, tap, squish went my feet. Reaching the office on time seemed like the perfect end to all the bad karma that was dogging since I�d woken up. The feeling wouldn�t last very long.
Apparently the Production Company had been trying to get in touch with me for the last 3 days. Mental note: �Always clear phone bill before comic book subscription!� I managed to spin out something about being out of town to visit a sick aunt. They bought it and my interview was rescheduled. Walking into the manager�s office, I gazed around at what looked like a room that belonged to someone with a powerful eye for detail. I was asked to sit. I felt uncomfortable almost at once. I was far away from my more �homely� and cozy armchair back home. Although it was riddled with holes and crawling with what I assumed (for some entertainment!!) to be little green men from mars.
The manager looked at me for sometime before he spoke. I was expecting a warm welcome�it was customary, I thought to make the interviewee feel comfortable. Instead he asked me curtly, �You do realize of course that your tie is in complete contrast with your jacket! I mean it�s teal and your jacket�s maroon!� So I decided to continue with my yarn about my sick aunt who had since proceeded to enjoy the pleasures of an afterlife. I had to wear my good suit for the funeral, I ventured to explain. I just couldn�t tell that to the kind lady at the reception.
After much talk about my school, it turned out that he had an neighbor�s cousin�s son who studied there; he �chanced� upon the all important, $ 64,000, Big Kahuna question. Quite literally! �How much was I expecting to earn?�, he asked. Without wanting to sound either greedy or desperate, or both (!), I answered quickly, �Oh, as long as the work is rewarding, I really don�t mind the pay!� He must�ve thought I was some kind of nut. Obviously no one had bothered to tell me that being a production crew assistant usually meant that I always had something on my hands�tea, coffee or biscuits, more often than not, someone else�s!
He thought I showed some spunk however, so he gave me the job. I�d be starting the next day! It wasn�t long before I could hear mother�s voice on the other end of the nearest payphone� While I was yelling: �Ma, I just need one more �care package� till my first paycheck arrives�; she was half screaming, half-sobbing out something about always knowing her son would make it to Hollywood
It worked out in the end. A decent end to a forgettable day. Maybe my first day of work would be better.
The End
7:00 am, the next morning:
�Yawn!!!�. Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, Burp!!����
�SQUISH!!!!!!�
posted by Pierre at
11:11 AM
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